


Private Parts

by eilonwe



Category: Ichirou (lycaon) - Fandom, Lycaon (Band), Yuuki (Lycaon) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, ofc death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:18:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3986356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eilonwe/pseuds/eilonwe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ichirou has been acting strangely for the past few days, so much so that his lover Yuuki becomes desperate to find out what is wrong.  What could have happened to make his lover close down like this?  Was it something Yuuki did? The answer is not what he expected at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Private Parts

**Author's Note:**

> Writtten as a livejournal gift for kyoselflove for the JROCKYAOI winter fic exchange. 
> 
> The story was inspired by the song "Private Parts" by Halestorm

Ichirou was smiling. The live had been amazing and the energy of the crowd was unbelievable.  Yuuki had gone out drinking with the other band members, but Ichirou had waved off, stating that he had a song stuck in his head and he wanted to get it down on paper.  Really great shows had always fueled his creativity.  He tossed the mail on the credenza in the foyer and toed off his shoes.  Opening a bottle of wine he began writing down his ideas for the song.  An hour later and he had gotten down about as much as he was going to, and had almost finished the bottle of wine. Feeling quite mellow and pleased with himself, he wandered back to the foyer and picked up the pile of mail. Separating his and Yuuki's mail into separate piles he began to toss out the junk.  It left him with only a few real pieces; a few bills and 2 things that were probably fan-mail.  He was right about the first, but he was very wrong about the second.    
   
He was halfway to the couch when he opened the second envelope, expecting another fan-letter filled with hearts and cartoons like the first one. The newspaper clipping drifted to the floor as his knees gave way to shock.  The room spun and he gasped for breath, his gut clenching so tightly that even if he wanted to vomit he couldn't.  It was impossible.  The clipping just couldn't be real. With a shaking hand he reached out for it again.  His brain not quite making sense of the words, the bright smiling face that was so achingly familiar prominent in black and white.  He sat there on the floor for what seemed like an eternity but the clipping in his hand wouldn't disappear.  He almost thought for a moment that maybe someone had spiked his wine, but he knew that wasn't true. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.  His hands still trembling so hard that he dropped it a few times before he finally got a good enough grip to get to the small slit in the lining where he kept a small worn picture hidden.  An indecipherable strangled sound made it past his lips as he placed the picture in his wallet next to its black and white twin.    
   
********************************************************************************  
   
Yuuki got home late, happily drunk and more than a little horny.  The apartment was dark, which was abnormal because Ichirou always left a light on for him if they weren't planning on getting home at the same time.  He would have thought that Ichirou wasn't home, but his car was in the drive and his keys were on the credenza. Curious, he toed his shoes off and made his way wobbly to the bedroom.  "Ichi?"  he called out softly, using the nick-name he'd always had for his lover. The first time he'd used it, Ichirou had laughed and asked him why.  "Because you're my one and only".  Cheesy, but it was true.  He'd had a crush on Ichirou since they'd first met, and it had taken a lot of courage for him to admit his feelings for Ichirou and ask him out.  It was one decision he had never regretted making.  He knew the first time they kissed that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Ichirou.  They weren't just lovers, they were best friends and there was very little they didn't know about each other.    
   
"Ichi-kun?"  He called out again.  The bed was empty, the room dark, but the balcony door was open letting in a light breeze and moonlight.  He made his way quietly across their bedroom floor to the open door.  "There you are!"  He chided softly as he wrapped his arms around his lover.  Ichirou tensed up and Yuuki felt him pull ever so slightly away from the embrace.  "That was an amazing live, wasn't it?  Such crazy energy.  mmm... I missed you out on the dance floor.  Did you get that song on paper like you wanted?"    
   
Ichirou nodded silently, pulling his feet up into the chair as he hugged his knees.  The move forcing Yuuki to let him go.  "Hey, what's up?  You were happy when we left the venue.  Talk to me."  Ichirou shook his head.  "Go to bed, Yuuki.  We have an interview in the morning, remember?  You need your rest, so you don't get a hangover".  Ichirou said quietly, without meeting Yuuki's gaze.  Yuuki, shook his head and gave Ichirou a kiss on the top of his head.  "Don't stay up too late, love.  You need your sleep too."  With that, he left his lover to his thoughts and went to bed.    
   
The interview went well, but Ichirou was unusually quiet.  He only gave soft half-smiles when he was prodded to do so by the photographers or the host.  Afterward, they went to the studio and although practice was productive, Ichirou didn't laugh and joke around like usual.  Everyone noticed, but Ichirou only said quietly, "I'm fine." to every request if he was okay, or if something was wrong.  

  
On their way home Ichirou texted Yuuki, telling him that he would be home later, that he wanted to go to the library and do some research for the song.  Yuuki scolded him for texting while driving of course, but told him he'd have dinner waiting when he got home.    
   
Ichirou swallowed past the lump in his throat, his stomach clenched so tightly it felt like he was getting an ulcer.  He felt numb, as if the world had become surreal.  The day had gone by in a blur, his brain working on auto-pilot.  He fingered the newspaper article, feeling nauseated as he confirmed the truth on the newspapers web site.  Oh, God.  His vision blurred and he swiped angrily at his face, refusing to allow the tears that threatened to spill.  Forcing himself to breathe, forcing himself not to show publicly how shattered and confused he felt.  He began to search, to try to find some sense of what had happened.  Not that there could ever be sense, not in that kind of tragedy.  The internet is very enlightening if you know what sites to trust, and the information was grim.  Printing off his search results from a respected medical website, he found the address for a private lab and called to see if he could make an appointment for in the morning.  
    
 ****************************************************************************  
   
Yuuki frowned as Ichirou walked past him, toward their bedroom, failing for the first time in five years to give him a kiss hello and a warm hug.  Something was wrong, he could feel it.  But what was it?  Ichirou couldn't be cheating on him, could he?  No, that couldn't be it.  It was one of the biggest things they had in common, they weren't the cheating type.  They'd always sworn that if, for some reason, one of them felt attracted to someone else that they would talk about it.  Communication had never been a problem between them, at least until now.  So what could it be?  Was some crazy fan stalking him?  But if that was the case, why weren't they talking about it?  Laughing about it?  Was there some financial issue?  Their mortgage on the town house was almost paid off and all their credit cards were paid off. So, no, it couldn't be that either.  So what was wrong with Ichirou?  Why had the bright light of his personality been suddenly snuffed out?   
   
"Ichirou, my love.  Why won't you talk to me?  I know something's wrong, let me in. "  Yuuki said softly as he sat down on the bed, his hand resting gently on his lovers knee.  Ichirou ran his hand across his face and sighed heavily, shaking his head.  Silently he laid down and rolled over, putting his back to his concerned lover.  Yuuki laid down behind him and rested a hand on his lover's hip.  "You know I'm here for you. I always will be, Ichi."  Ichirou didn't answer him, but Yuuki could feel him trembling.  Ichirou let out a trembling sigh and wiped at his face. Yuuki couldn't see it, but he was almost certain Ichirou was crying.  Ichirou, who was usually the strong one who ended up comforting everyone else.  Ichirou, who had never once cried in all the years they'd known each other. And if Ichirou was crying, then something was seriously wrong.  And if Ichiro was crying, why was he shutting Yuuki out?   
   
*******************************************************************************  
Once again, Ichirou lied to his lover about needing to do some research for a song he was writing.  With singular detachment, he watched as the lab tech drew his blood and labeled it.  "We won't have the results back for about for a month, of course you'll have to get permission for our lab to get the other medical records for comparison."  Ichirou nodded and signed the last of the paperwork.  "Just get started on it please, I'll work on the necessary medical records."  The lab tech nodded and took Ichirou's blood with him as he left the room.  His hands shook as he opened his safety deposit box, pulling out the yellowed sheaf of papers hidden at the bottom.  He took them to a lawyer that specialized in medical cases.  "I know what I agreed to all those years ago, but I was just a kid and no one could have anticipated this.  I just ... I want to know if there was anything I could have done.  I sent my blood to a lab, can't you just see if there's any way it could be tested to see if I was a match?"   Ichirou looked pleadingly at the lawyer as the man shuffled through all the paperwork Ichirou had given him.  The newspaper article, his internet research, and the legal agreement he was forced to sign when he was just 16.   
   
"Normally, this kind contract would have been binding.  But with medical cases like this, there can be exceptions.  Of course.... are you sure you want to know?  I mean, it's a bit late isn't it?"   Ichirou's hands clenched into fists so tight he could feel his fingernails breaking the skin.  "I didn't find out until ... until... September.  I need to know, I need to know if I could have... if... please, I just need to know."    
   
The lawyer nodded, sympathy shining in his eyes.  "I'll do the best I can, while keeping you within the bounds of your contract."  Ichirou nodded, knowing it was going to be a difficult battle.  His mind drifted back to the day he'd signed the contract. The papers still bearing the stains of his tears and blood.  A part of him had died that day.    
   
******************************************************************************  
   
A month of strained silence and forced smiles passed, with Ichirou withdrawing even deeper into himself with each passing day.  He stopped going to practice, and he slept a lot.  He allowed Yuuki to hold him, but he offered no kisses, no explanations.  He just shook his head, unable to speak.  Ichirou lost weight, refusing to eat more than a few bites of food at any meal.  Refusing to tell Yuuki what was wrong, until in desperation Yuuki threatened to have Ichirou committed for mental health evaluation.   "Ichirou, I love you.  We've been together for more than 5 years and you won't talk to me.  If you can't talk to me, at least talk to someone.  I can't stand here and watch you fade away from me.  I... I can undress your body, but I can't undress your heart.  I can't help you if you won't let me.  Please, Ichi... you've got to tell me what's going on."  
   
Ichirou walked away from Yuuki and stood for a few minutes looking out at the horizon.  The certified letter had come from the lawyer this morning.  He'd been afraid to open it.  In fact his nerves were wound so tight that he'd vomited twice before he forced himself to open the envelope and read what was inside.   He was afraid to learn if what he feared most was true. He returned to Yuuki's side and held out his hand.  Yuuki took it and Ichirou led him to the door.  Ichirou handed him his jacket without saying a word, and Yuuki somehow knew that silence was necessary right then.  Something important had happened, and now maybe Yuuki would find out what had happened to drain all the happiness from Ichirou's life.   Ichirou led them to his car and they drove away in silence.  The sky was grey and a light rain fell.  No music played on the radio, the only sound was the rhythmic squelch of the windshield wipers.  They drove for hours, Ichirou's hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel, his gaze empty of its usual brightness.  Every time Yuuki felt the urge to ask where they were going, he bit it back.  Somehow, the silence was important.  He didn't know why, but he felt the best thing he could do, was just be there and wait.  After what seemed like forever, they pulled through a large wrought-iron gate and Yuuki realized that they were in a cemetery.    
   
So that's what must be going on.  Someone had passed away, and it had hit Ichirou so hard he just couldn't process it properly.  It answered a lot of questions, but it raised so many more.  There wasn't anyone that Ichirou was close enough to in his family for a death to have been this devastating.   And they shared the same friends, and none of them were dead.  So why were they in a cemetery outside of Tokyo, the one city in all of Japan that Ichirou refused to visit?

With a heavy shaky sigh, Ichirou put the car in park and got out.  Turning his head up, he allowed the light drizzle of rain to hide the hot tears that had started to escape his burning eyes.  He waited as he heard Yuuki get out and held out his hand for his lover to take.  His hands felt ice cold, Yuuki's warm ones causing a painful pins-and-needles sensation to seep into his palms.  He counted the graves, his grip on Yuuki's hand growing painfully tight as he found the right one.  Dropping to his knees as he finally allowed himself to openly weep, though he struggled to keep himself from making any sound.  If he had to speak right now, he was going to scream.  "Ichirou?"   Yuuki asked softly, watching as his lover fell apart over a child's grave.  He watched as Ichirou pulled an envelope from his jacket and handed it shakily to him.  Inside was an obituary of the child's grave they were visiting.  There was also a letter from a lawyer.  Without really meaning to, he read it softly aloud.

**_"It is with great sadness and regret that I inform you, your greatest fears were indeed true.  Laboratory testing proved you were the ideal match and that the prognosis was good for his type of leukemia if a bone marrow transplant had been performed.  I'm certain you could have a good case if you chose to pursue a wrongful death suit against the family in civil court.  Let me know what you decide.   Sincerely, Kimiko Miya"_ **

Yuuki stared at the letter in shock and confusion.  His brain just couldn't process what the letter meant, or why Ichirou was handing him a small worn photograph he hadn't even been aware had been hidden in a pocket in Ichirou's wallet.  The same hair, same dimples, same eyes shined from the photo as from the obituary, on the photo was of a younger face. 

"He.... he was.... he was my **_son._**   We were just 16, but we were in love.  We'd been in love forever.  I asked her to marry me when we were 11 and by the time we were 14 we had our lives together planned out.  We even talked about waiting until we were married to have sex, planned to get married as soon as we reached 18, so we wouldn't need our parent's permission.   But we loved each other so much and we **_felt_** like we were already married.  I felt like a husband and I loved her like my wife, and she felt the same.  So, together we decided to become lovers.  To consummate the marriage we already felt in our hearts.  We knew the risks of getting pregnant, but we already planned to get married.  Starting a family was something we looked forward to, we even had plans on how to still go to college and be parents.  We were very mature for our age.  But of course, her family freaked the hell out.  Mariko's father is a very powerful, very wealthy man with connections in all the right places.  He gave me two choices:  I could walk away and never look back, never come within 100 miles of Tokyo; or he would see me convicted of the rape of a minor and given the death penalty.  Something like that would destroy my family, and I knew he had the power, money and connections to make his threat real.  I was smart enough to be scared shitless.  I loved her, but I didn't want to die and I didn't want my family to suffer.  I signed the contract and walked away, certain he would make her have an abortion.  But then one day I got an envelope in the mail. No return address, the postal stamp from a Tokyo prefecture, and nothing inside but that picture.  My hair, my dimples and Mariko's eyes.  Do you see his name?  Tatsouruki?   It's a joke we used to share.  Even as kids we used to make up imaginary couples using our friends and the celebrities we liked as options.  Tatsouruki was one of our favorite pairings.  I knew it had to be my son, and that it had to have come from Mariko.  It made me wonder what kind of father I would have been, and if Mariko had gotten married.  But whatever had happened, I knew that Tatsouruki would have the best clothes, the best food and the best education money could buy.  And isn't that what every parent wants?  For their child to want for nothing?  I would try sometimes to see if there was any mention of him in the paper, but there never was.  Mariko's family is very powerful but very private.  Then in September, I got another envelope just like the first. " 

Yuuki looked once again at the gravestone and the letter in his hand, the horror of it beginning to sink in.  **"Tatsouruki Seiko, age 10 passed into the afterlife on Sunday, April 17, 2014.  Tatsouruki passed away after losing a 2 year battle with leukemia.  He is survived by his parents and grandparents.  He has no siblings.  A memorial service will be held at High Cross Academy's Cathedral on April 19 , at 6pm and a private funeral will be held on April 20th at Jade Tiger Memorial Garden Cemetery.  Donations in his memory can be made to the children's oncology ward of Tokyo General Children's Hospital."**

Tatsouruki had passed away in April, but Ichirou didn't find out until September.  He'd been sick for two years before that, and Ichirou had been a match.  "Oh, God... Ichi..."  Yuuki fell to the ground and wrapped his arms around his lover, the horror of it breaking him. 

"Don't say it... Just don't... don't make it more real than this..."  Ichirou whispered.    They held each other and cried until they were both exhausted. 

Yuuki leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Ichirou's lips. "He was beautiful, baby".  

Ichirou gave him a weak smile in return.  "He was, wasn't he?" ** _  
_**

 


End file.
